Tuesday, January 09, 2007

heart breaking

it is 80% confirmed tat ayumi wun have sg in her asia tour becos local concert organizer deem her performance too expensive to import.. sobs..

still undecided whether to go japan for tour, or go dere free n easy watch e concert, or change location to taiwan to watch e concert so that it is cheaper..

as it approach my 60 days left of service.. i realise another heartbreaking thing.. for the past 1 yr 10 months.. i learned pessimism.. i learned darkness.. i stop doing little gestures of kindness.. i dun see e pt of being kind anymore.. i dun see e pt of putting in my effort for other ppl.. y? y shld i work myself so hard only to find myself deriving pain, sadness, disappointment, more work, more trouble.. of which i can relieve myself of in the first place...

i find it hard to say "you are welcomed" when ppl say thank you to me.. is tat wat u really mean? or is tat jus another phrase so tat u can get me to work??

if i remove the mask before me.. would u still recognise who i am?? i am not as cheerful as u tink.. not as hardworking as you tink.. not as innocent as you tink..

i duno whu i am anymore.. i guess i am jus a coward trying to shun things away..

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